Not for One Second
Thank you to Jessica from Booshy for her post, and a gentle reminder to cherish every second of every day that Baby L is a part of our lives.
You see, I was a stupidhead last night and stayed up entirely too late, resulting in a bleary-eyed, semi-comatose state of existence this morning (I'm better now that I've caffeinated). During my pre-coffee hours with Baby L, the thought, "Please just go to sleep! Mommy's tired!" raced through my mind a number of times. I thought back to my pre-baby existence, when dining out late at fancy restaurants were a breeze and I could take naps and sleep in whenever I wanted to, and staying up all night had little consequence on others. I reminisced oh-so-briefly about those times when Hubbs and I could take impromptu trips across the border on the weekends, or we could both retreat to our respective corners with our laptops and sit in silence for a couple of hours on my "off" days. My memories also drifted to the times when I could plop myself down in front of the TV (which now sits collecting dust, because it's turned on approximately once every month) and shut off my brain while watching my favourite gory crime shows.
I do miss all of those things. Of course I do. I'm innately a selfish, sinful human being and my propensity is to look out for #1, and please myself and my own fleshly desires first.
However, God has entrusted me with a very precious little life, and I am reminded constantly that I must deny my own selfish needs and wants in favour of what is best for this little person whose existence depends on me. The Lord is teaching me about unconditional love through my little girl, whose big brown curious eyes are watching Mommy's every move and learning about what it means to be a Christ-follower in the day-to-day. My actions are no longer "victimless" in that every choice I make has the potential to impact Baby L (hence, no more late nights!).
Not for one second do I want to take my responsibilities, my calling as a mommy, for granted. I know that there are people out there whose babies are sick, who know that they only have a finite amount of time left to spend with their little ones; these folks count every moment a blessing. So should I, even though I have been blessed with a very healthy and robust little bundle of energy. There are others out there who've buried their babies and would trade everything they have for just a few hours of playtime with their wee ones. I have that playtime 24 hours a day; am I praising God for it and making the most of every opportunity He has given me?
So Jessica - thanks for the reminder. And Baby L - thank you for challenging your selfish Momma to love you selflessly. And God - thank You that by Your Spirit You are teaching me daily how to pick up my cross, even when I'm tired, and follow You and love like You already do.
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| Baby L using up some energy in her exersaucer |
I do miss all of those things. Of course I do. I'm innately a selfish, sinful human being and my propensity is to look out for #1, and please myself and my own fleshly desires first.
However, God has entrusted me with a very precious little life, and I am reminded constantly that I must deny my own selfish needs and wants in favour of what is best for this little person whose existence depends on me. The Lord is teaching me about unconditional love through my little girl, whose big brown curious eyes are watching Mommy's every move and learning about what it means to be a Christ-follower in the day-to-day. My actions are no longer "victimless" in that every choice I make has the potential to impact Baby L (hence, no more late nights!).
Not for one second do I want to take my responsibilities, my calling as a mommy, for granted. I know that there are people out there whose babies are sick, who know that they only have a finite amount of time left to spend with their little ones; these folks count every moment a blessing. So should I, even though I have been blessed with a very healthy and robust little bundle of energy. There are others out there who've buried their babies and would trade everything they have for just a few hours of playtime with their wee ones. I have that playtime 24 hours a day; am I praising God for it and making the most of every opportunity He has given me?
So Jessica - thanks for the reminder. And Baby L - thank you for challenging your selfish Momma to love you selflessly. And God - thank You that by Your Spirit You are teaching me daily how to pick up my cross, even when I'm tired, and follow You and love like You already do.
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